June 16, 2014
Hermana Dickey called me this week laughing and told me that she had been with the Zone Leaders and they were talking about me and, I don't know how, but they somehow got to the point that the Zone Leaders said, "Something is happening with her. She used to be the sporty one, but she is turning into such a woman right now!"
It made me think on lessons I have learned and ways I have changed. I don't know if these
things have made me more of a woman, but maybe, just maybe ;).
Love: I couldn´t help but ask myself why I was crying. This didn't affect me personally. But, as I sat with a family that I loved as the mother was laying sick in her hay bed and the whole family was expecting the early return of their missionary daughter who has been
very sick, I couldn’t help but think “That was almost me. I almost came home as well.” When I really put myself in their position I was filled with love and pain. I realized that, for my whole life, I have very, very rarely cried for the plight of someone else, because I have
never tried to feel what they feel. But, this moment changed it all. I learned the importance of loving others and mourning with those that mourn.
Obedience is greater than Sacrifice: With the trainings that I had to give about obedience, I remember learning that obedience is greater than sacrifice. I realize how sad it is that sometimes as missionaries, we are willing to sacrifice studies and money and our families, but we are not willing to wake up on time or to study or to make all of our contacts each week. More important than giving all the sacrifices we already gave is being obedient to what the Lord asks and offering a broken heart and contrite Spirit.
Be Thankful: Because, honestly, it really COULD be worse. And don’t doubt it, or God will show you that it can.
Take down the walls: Last Monday, we were enjoying a normal P-Day and as a few of us sat there talking, one of my Zone Leaders randomly just started saying how he thinks that the reason that I laugh so much is because I am trying to protect myself and make people think that I am okay when I am really not. Woah. That was deep! And honestly, I couldn’t deny it. I really have programmed myself that way. Later, we were all on a bus and I wasn’t feeling so great and I kind of fainted/slept on the chair in front of me. A few people next to me called my name and I didn’t respond. Next thing I knew, that same Zone Leader was kneeling down next to me and when I looked up he made me eat something and then as he was leaving, he said “Hey, we don’t need you to just be strong, we want to know when you’re not okay.” It made me realize that my pride lets me hide things that I don’t need to
hide, that there is no shame in admitting that I am not always okay.
Not Everything is Extreme: I have spent my whole life looking at things in black and white. Well, between not being able to work because of my leg and then having to make the decision not to extend my mission, I finally learned how to stop looking at the extreme. I
remember thinking that if I didn’t extend, I wasn’t a good missionary and I wasn’t completing my duties, and if I did extend I was basically an amazing missionary and example. I remember thinking that God would be disappointed if I didn’t extend, but now I am learning that God really looks on the heart and loves us for our desires, even if our
health, and His will, keeps us from realizing them.
No One Is Invincible: I was talking to a Sister this week and she started talking about how she was worried because she’s felt that she is having some emotional problems but told me that she didn’t want to tell anyone about it and that this stuff happens in her family a lot etc. I remember just cutting her off and saying “Let me guess. You don’t want to tell anyone about it because you don’t want to hear that you have a problem because you keep telling yourself that you’re not like your family and that this can’t happen to YOU of all people. But, you’re even more scared that maybe there’s actually nothing wrong with you and you’re just making this stuff up?” She almost started crying and said “Oh my gosh, do you read minds??” Then, I told her a little bit of my story and she didn’t believe me. “YOU have had these problems?? How could I not tell??” I just laughed. It can happen to anyone.
Mother Nature Can Be Cruel: Quote of the Week from my good old New Yorker Zone Leader: “Wait. Periods last a whole week??? That SUCKS!” Hahaha. So, being on medication for my leg for so long got my defenses down so much and then starting my period this week killed me with my anxiety and anemia and Hypoglycemia and everything that I was pretty sick and was fainting a little bit. When Hermana Gomez heard, she came
rushing over to my house with chocolate strawberries and a smoothie and some vitamins. Hahaha I loved it. There are missionaries alone in the Hospital with Parasites and Knee Surgeries and things but who gets special treatment? The girl on her period. Love it!
Fight: I have had an obsession lately with the song “Danny Boy” and I remember wondering what it would be like to send your son off to war. Then, I listened more closely to the lyrics and remembered that, about 15 short months ago, the best parents in the world sent their daughter off to war. It wasn’t a typical kind of war, but it is the most important war ever waged. The war for Salvation. I remember what I promised mom when I left “I promise you that I will not only survive, I will THRIVE.” Sometimes I feel like I am surviving, but, overall, I am thriving as I “gird up my loins” roll up my sleeves, and work everyday.
Finish Strong: I remember being twelve years old when dad took me to the Dixie State track to get some 800m splits before the Hershey’s Track Meet. I was always stopping at the finish line. Then, he taught me one of the most important lessons of my life (as he always seemed to do when we ran). “Don’t stop at the finish line, you need to run THROUGH it. Well, as I enter my “Last Twelve Weeks” today, his voice rings in my head. I need to run through that line and not slow down. 100 percent, all the way to the tape!!! I am ready.